No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
