Your dad touched me again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
