your room smells of hookers.
And success
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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