I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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