woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
