Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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