...so i touched it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
