So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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