Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
