i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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