at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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