She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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