My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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