she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
