i would punch a child for taco bell
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
