I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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