I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
