Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
