Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
