OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my liver is dry heaving
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize