if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
