I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
