It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
