So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
