She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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