i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
