I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
