Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
