I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
