Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
