forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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