I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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