I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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