did you get engaged???
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
