I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
