Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
