i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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