I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
