after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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