She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
