everyone is single if you try hard enough
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
