I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
