everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
