If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
