singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
