fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
