When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
