Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
