i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
