just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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