i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
