Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
