tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
