he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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