You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
