you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
