capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
ttyl tear gas
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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