I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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