i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
