I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
