I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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