I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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