I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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