You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
