We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
