"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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