i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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