i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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