We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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