So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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