I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
