i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
