mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
