i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
