Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize