So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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