her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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